Something I wrote about 2 years ago:
Today marks 6 months without alcohol.
I woke up with the worst feeling 6 months ago. I knew I screwed up badly, as I was barely able to get on my feet. My knee seemed to be in a bad state, and the anxiety hangover that came over me was overwhelming. It dawned on me that I could not go on like this anymore. A radical change was needed, as this could very well end in a bad way soon. I gotout lucky that night. But at this rate my luck was soon to run out.
I knew for years that my alcohol consumption was out of hand at times. Especially when times were getting dark, booze could be a warm friend that seemed to relieve me from whatever was causing me mental pain. There was a time that I actually thought that without alcohol I would probably not be able to cope with life for a long time. It’s amazing how much my brain was able to justify my reckless behaviour at times.
I wanted to get to the core of why I was abusing alcohol in an unhealthy way. Looking back now, I can see that I was trapped in a cycle of coping with stress and depression for an X amount of time until I could binge drink my way to oblivion – a place where these feelings were simply not present. This place started to feel more and more like home. Its quite insane that I was living in such a privileged place, whilst I was feeling miserable a large chunk of the time.
I went back to the drawing board 6 months ago, and started to put together a framework that would keep me away from an unhealthy amount of escapism. I started reading books about psychology, logo-therapy, stoic philosophy and a whole bunch of self-help books. I found out that I, like most people, don’t cope with stress too well. I can obsess over trivial things and get stuck in negative thinking rather easily. It was time to become a bit more stoked on life again. It’s simply too short to be feeling down about dumb stuff.
Now that I have given up drinking I see things through a much different lens. It feels like I have only scratched the surface of what one can call some type of mental evolution. I have learned that everyone can change at any given moment.
I noticed that improving my morning routine was one of the key ingredients to cope with negative emotions. I now start the day with breathing exercises, stretching and a cold shower. Its not always fun, but it does do the trick.
Giving up drinking is the biggest life changing event I can remember besides starting snowboarding on a dry slope many years ago. Some days ago, I found myself hiking on top of a mountain ridge with some great buddies and I could not have been happier! It felt like I had finally been released from the shackles that I managed to put on my own wrists time and time again. If you are feeling like you’re stuck with similar problems, don’t hesitate to shout me a message.
‘’Hey! Don’t worry, don’t be afraid, ever! Because, this is just a ride.’’ – Bill Hicks